DBT – Week 4 Distress Tolerance

I want to say something to those of you who haven’t done DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) before. You may feel anxious about it or feel that it won’t work for you. It was specifically created by Marsha Linehan for people with Borderline Personality Disorder, but it has been known to help those with other severe mental illnesses. Actually, I think the average person would probably benefit from doing a course of DBT – it certainly wouldn’t hurt!

Yesterday was my fourth group session (I have done DBT two or three times before and each time I discover something new and develop better living habits). I wish I could carry the feeling I get from being in a DBT session with me all the time.I feel that I am not judged and that my flaws and mistakes are accepted. It feels wonderful to be in an environment where you know others support you and they can understand what you’re saying because they’ve been in similar situations and experience similar emotions and distress. This is not to say that I would want anyone to suffer from BPD, but it helps to know there are others who feel the same and are hurting, too. The sense of peace I get from my group sessions is undeniable. I feel more comfortable there than I do anywhere else, even though we’re discussing nitty gritty subjects sometimes and it can be hard to tolerate.

The past two weeks we’ve been doing distress tolerance, which is extremely helpful, if you practice and use the skills. Last time I did DBT, I got really disheartened when it ended and I just thought I’m alone now so why bother? I kind of gave up practising those skills and that’s not a good thing. You need to continually practise them until they become entrenched in you like a daily habit. If you only do the skill once, it most likely isn’t going to stick. It also helps if you have an open mind – Okay, it might not work for you the first few times, but on the 8th you might find something clicks, or maybe there is another skill that works better for you. You just have to experiment until you find your own list of skills that will help you cope.

As we’ve been told, distress tolerance is not about reducing your suffering (although the skills sometimes DO end up doing that, which is a bonus), but it is about getting through the tough times without making things worse.

I’ve been going through an extremely isolated and rough patch with my boyfriend lately and last night I got upset and he told me to ‘stop it’. Well, even though I didn’t enjoy the way he said that to me, it made me think of the ‘TIP‘ skills and I went to the freezer and got an ice pack, wrapped it in a paper towel and held it to my eyes and cheeks, holding my breath for thirty seconds. I did this a few times until I felt calmer.  It didn’t make my sadness go away but it made that moment bearable and eventually I was able to get to sleep without causing further problems with my boyfriend.

I also did intense exercise last night to calm myself down and it worked well. Obviously, you might have some days where the skills don’t seem to work as well. Keep trying those other skills til you find yourself being able to cope! I know it is easier said than done, but when you get through those tough times without engaging in self-destructive behaviour it makes you feel so much better long-term!